more than just 10 minutes
Those who sow in tears
Shall reap in joy.
Ah, how true. Like Hesse's Siddhartha, I had to experience despair, I had to sink to the greatest mental depths, in order to experience grace.
After several weeks of practice, the cheerers [+ boosters] had the final practice yesterday night. But before that, we huddled together and shouted the "war cry"... O-O-O o8 HA!. I heard someone yell, "All for God!" and I was reminded once again of my real audience. I dance for the audience of One alone.
So there I was, giving it my all, when I twisted my ankle during the dismounting in one pyramid. Still I continued on until the end of the routine. Can you imagine that, I was smiling and cheering so energetically in spite of the intense pain? That was the only time when I really thought, gosh, cheering is hypocrisy. It was the only time I faked the smiles. Of course I just laugh it off now, but it was really, really, really, painful then. My foot's even swelling until now.
And because we had to finish everything in the routine that night, and Joseph and I even took over our class' batch shirt distribution and inventory [not that we were obliged to, but who else would?], I was in Pisay till 10pm. Angel was kind enough to take us with her-- her car became our school bus. She's such an angel! But alas, I was still out by midnight--way beyond any acceptable curfew for "good girls", as I am supposed to be associated with.
What happened next is predictable enough. My father was furious. His voice was so loud on the phone. How could you allow yourself to stay out so late? Why do you never think about the worry you cause other people? Why do you have to be so stupid when it comes to your own safety? I was really sorry and I understood that he was just concerned about me.
I know. Sometimes I'm just too self-sacrificing, and even my own father get mad at me for taking too much at my own expense. But I can't help it if I care more about the greater good. It's not because I'm pressured into cheering that I give so much effort into practices, it's not for whatever I may get from it, it's not for pleasing people. It's something I committed to, and I do it for the batch. I do it for God. I do it for its sake.
Yes, I understood his concern. But this I did not understand. You're not going to the Family Day tomorrow.
My jaw dropped. I thought that only happens in loony cartoons and exaggerated shows, but my jaw actually dropped when I heard that sanction. Angel, Gabby, Joseph, and Sarah were talking and laughing in the car. My father was shouting on the other line. But I hear nothing, just the coldness of that hasty, unfair sentence.
A million protests coursed through my mind, but I couldn't verbalize a single one.
After the call was ended, I couldn't help it. I just broke down. And this is the part that I love... because in my weakness God's power is made perfect; His grace is always sufficient. After all, who am I to say that I don't need comfort? I love it when I see tears, because in tears we admit our weakness, in our weakness, we admit His glory...
And I love it when people I consider my friends show genuine concern for me. To the people I was with last night, thanks for all your care. I now know that I do have real friends I could turn to. Joseph, thanks for the crash course on "Handling Difficult Situations and Strategies on Talking to Parents 101". Angel, thank you so much for the ride home... your parents were so wonderful too. Gabby and Sarah, thank you for making the hurt bearable.
I woke up early, not certain of what was to happen. I know I was supposed to stay at home, but that's just not right. I was determined to go, but going without permission was out of the question. That's just stupid. I don't want to be confrontational with my parents, but how would I convince my father to allow me to go?
By 6:30, Leki and Chiara were calling me. What now? I could tell my father was still angry. So I told him that I'm so sorry for the irresponsible attitude I displayed last night, but it's unfair that I should not be allowed to go. I'm not saying I'm indispensable, but every one on the team is important. And should weeks of preparation--all the time, energy, and resources spent be disregarded because of an irrational burst of anger?
After what seemed like eternity, I was allowed to go. I can't describe how joyful I felt then. It was like I was released from chains. Praise God! I arrived at Pisay with just enough time to spare for dressing up and a bit of stretching.
During the compe, the cheerers and boosters were "prisoners" in the dance room. Twas a wise measure to keep us from watching the other batches perform. Our focus shifted from beating the other teams to being winners in ourselves. During the performance, I just gave it my all--as if there's no tomorrow. I really enjoyed dancing out there, we were so great! Go 08! The boosters were so powerful, the dancers were all together, even other batches were cheering us on. It was just awesome.
After the cheering, it didn't matter at all what the judges' decision would be. We did great, we did our best, we cheered the crowd. If ever we'd get first place, that would be just a bonus. I really didn't think much of the place we'd get anymore. But we did win, and it wouldn't be possible if it were not for all the parents and teachers and everyone who supported us. I will definitely miss the practices! And the bananas [pampalakas ng tuhod], siopitos, gatorade, and the big blue floor mats that we all set up. Everything we did for cheering is more than just the ten minutes of our performance. I'm really glad because of the unity and camaraderie and fun and all the good stuff that comes with working together. It was so uplifting to see us work together and set aside our groups and differences for the common good.
Juniors, we're juniors; We're simply the best!
